Seaweed as Clothing? Not Cute.

Let's talk about Rihanna for one second, and let's also remind ourselves that she is most indubitably NOT the sexiest woman alive.  


The picture they use to illustrate her ultimate sex appeal is in fact proof that she doesn't have any.


Take a gander.

I just got a lobotomy.

I feel sorry for anyone who actually thinks this is a sexy picture.  Why?  Because that means you like dirty women who swim around seaweed and don't care if it sticks to them for a photoshoot. Who knows what is on that seaweed, how long its been on her body, or who else touched it.  Its not even cute Adam and Eve-like foilage.  It just looks like she rolled around in dirt and didn't care what stuck to her.  Luckily it was just washed-up seaweed instead of used needles or rusty nails.


I am glad, though, that she decided to cover up that five-head.  The size of that dome is self explanatory.

I had to make the image small so it wouldn't scare your children or turn them to stone.

Shame on you, Esquire.  I say the next time this magazine decides to get artsy, do it with flowers and sparkles instead of filthy sea grass.